How To Deal With Rejection From An Actor's Perspective

Rejection: the word that everyone avoids talking about but somehow creeps into the back of your mind when you hop on a cold call, step into an interview, or attach a resume to an email.

It can be diabolical what comes up emotionally when you get a whiff of rejection. Sending a short follow-up email to a potential new client with all the confidence in the world, then doubt creeps in and now my palms are sweaty and my thoughts are racing and I’m thinking Does ‘best wishes’ seem too formal? Just ‘best’ feels cold while ‘all the best’ somehow feels like I’m a grandmother sending a holiday card…”

The funny thing is, sales reps will deal with rejection every day. It’s part of the job. Rejection isn’t a reflection of your work or character. It will happen. Period. How you define your style as a rep comes with how you deal with rejection.

Luckily there’s one other profession that knows how to deal with rejection on the daily: Acting.

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How Actors Deal With Rejection

Uvaro sat down with actor Keith Kemps, better known as Canada’s Home Hardware guy for most of the early aughts. He’s been a working actor for the greater part of 40 years and can be seen on pretty much every Canadian TV show there is from Kim’s Convenience to Murdoch Mysteries. If it’s filmed in Toronto, this guy has been on it, or at least in the audition room.

You never really know what you’re walking into on set or in an audition. Sometimes it’s a lot of fun, sometimes they’re not interested before you even start. Sometimes it’s pre-cast but they decided to hold auditions anyway and you’re thinking ‘What am I even doing here?’” Keith said, But rejection is a huge part of the job. You’ll never know why they didn’t pick you. Maybe their ex-wife’s name was Keith.”

Even still, it’s very hard to separate yourself from your work, especially when it’s right in front of you saying No.” When faced with any sort of threat, the nervous system steps into overdrive. It sends signals up and down the body that something’s not quite right. That’s why your heart beats faster, your mouth goes dry, you stutter or lose your words, or you can start to shake. The wild thing is, your body can’t really tell the difference between a real threat and perceived threat. Rejection, especially when paired with speaking to a stranger, can send your body into this kind of panic.

When I think of rejection, I think of it in terms of an audition.” He elaborated, But I also have to reframe it: I’m not being rejected. I’m just not telling the story. I’m not doing my job. It’s not a personal reflection on me, it’s just my job. So how can I get my feet on the ground and focus?”

Which begs the question: If you’re feeling like you’re losing the client, where do you even start?

The work is personal. As an actor, you’re not putting on a mask, you’re taking one off. I’m showing the world who Keith is. So when people aren’t digging it… You have to somehow separate yourself from the work as well

The work is personal. As an actor, you’re not putting on a mask, you’re taking one off. I’m showing the world who Keith is. So when people aren’t digging it… You have to somehow separate yourself from the work as well” he shared, before sitting in thought for a moment. I’m just trying to figure out my process to share with you.”

What it comes down to are three key steps that start before an event and then continue afterward. The pre-planning stage is something most sales reps do all the time: the script.

If you come prepared, ready, and confident, you’ll know you’ve done your best work and that’s all you can do,” Keith said.

But even still your nerves can get the best of you during a call when trying to deal with rejection.

Public speaking is rated one of the top fears for humans across the planet. Higher than death. Higher than torture. And even higher than finding a mouse eating granola in your cupboard at 7:30 PM on a Monday.

As an actor — and as a sales rep — your body is your most useful tool. Your voice, your mind, your personality, is what sells the product, or tells the story that needs to be told.

Your breath is the first thing to go,” Keith said, So make sure you’re not only breathing all the way in — but also all the way out. It resets the central nervous system. Your breath is your thought. Without breath you can’t think, so make sure you aren’t holding yours.”

@uvaro.life Quick breathing exercise to get you through your week #breathing #humpday #meditation #stress #anxiety ♬ original sound - uvaro.life

From there, it’s a matter of relaxing into the fear and trusting your gut.

There’s no right way to win back your audience because it varies from actor to actor, or person to person. They just want to see you be honest, so be authentic and open. Show them who you are, do your job, and tell the story: the rest will follow”

The last step is to take care of yourself afterward.

Regardless of whether it goes well, you can’t win them all. And even if you do, you can usually find a way to still beat yourself up about it. But don’t. There are a million reasons why things didn’t go your way, so if you really did the best work you could in the circumstances you were given then great. Take a deep breath and get ‘em next time. If you didn’t do your best, take a deep breath anyway and you learned what not to do.” Keith said, I wish I’d had more self-compassion in my early days. Really helps you get up and do it again tomorrow.”

Keith Kemps is an actor based in Toronto, Canada known best for his work in the 2009 Mirvish production of Mamma Mia which ran for 2 years at the Princess of Wales Theatre. His fascination with creating and art led him to founding KDK Woodwork for custom cabinet work.