Sales Pitch Rejection: The 5 Stages Of Grief After You Face Rejection

Rejection is common in sales. When we experience a sales pitch rejection, or a deal or project going south, we may not expect to experience the stages of grief. Or any big emotions at all, for that matter.

For some, that's not the case. And that's VERY normal. It’s valid to experience grief when something happens that we’re not expecting. Especially if we felt hopeful for success.

For some neurodivergent people, this may be amplified by Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). But RSD — or sensitivity to rejection and failure in general — is also very common for others as well. That is to say, it is completely normal to feel like your career is crumbling around you after a small setback.

But let me start right off the bat and reassure you: It is not.

There are SO many reasons why a sales pitch can be cut short, ignored, or turn sour. Some of it may be your responsibility. But more than likely there are numerous factors contributing to that no,” most of which are out of your control. What matters is how you process and deal with that sales pitch rejection.

Grieving a potential opportunity can feel complicated. This is especially true for people who have experienced larger grief, like the passing of a loved one. But no matter how big or small, a loss is a loss and we do have to process them somehow. Passing through each of the 5 stages of grief at work is not a new phenomenon. But, it’s only recently been discussed in relation to your career.

It’s integral to acknowledge your feelings. Rejection can feel like a major step back in your career or life, but we promise you: you will move forward.

When a loss of any scale occurs at work, it can be easy to either ignore your feelings and throw yourself recklessly back into it. It can be just as easy to avoid work altogether. Neither is entirely right. So by learning how to identify these stages, and manage your emotions, you can course-correct your career and grieve your losses all at once.

Kubler-Ross Model: 5 Stages of Grief

The 5 stages were named after Elisabeth Kubler-Ross — a Swiss psychiatrist. Her now famous book On Death and Dying revolutionized the medical industry. It's credited with starting modern hospice care methods in Western hospitals. We have since learned that her process does not strictly apply to death, but all loss and grief.

The 5 stages are…

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

It’s important to note that not everyone experiences all 5, and not everyone experiences them in the same order. Nor even in the same WAY! You can’t speed round your way to acceptance, unfortunately. And you also want to do your best to give each feeling that passes through the same amount of space as any other.

Stage 1: Denial

Signs to look for…

• Procrastination
• Forgetfulness
• Easily distracted
• Avoidance of work and coworkers
• Throwing yourself into the job

The scenario

You’ve been practicing for weeks, hit all your talking points, and were ready to reap the rewards. Then, you find out: they've gone with a competitor. Your first reaction might be…

This can’t be happening."

To help you cope, your body forces itself to go numb. You might avoid the person who told you the news. You may not understand what happened or even where you went wrong. And you might be in a bit of a shock. Especially if you thought you had this one in the bag.

There must've been a mistake or misunderstanding. You want to talk to the client as you're SURE you could change their mind. In fact, your pitch was so good, they'll DEFINITELY call back within the week to say they've changed their mind.

The solution

This is a completely normal way for your mind and body to react. There’s only so much your mind can take at once. Even if, in the end, this news is inconsequential to your long-term career goals. You had — what felt like — a surefire "yes" turned on its head. No matter if it's one raindrop in an ocean, there will still be ripples on your self-esteem. That's a big ego hit, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed by it.

Your first step should involve giving yourself some time to process. You’re not going to be able to do a whole lot of meaningful work during this time. And that is okay.

When you’re ready, it may help you to begin by looking forward. Focussing on your future career plans and goals can help you take this loss in stride. And it can give you something to look forward to in the future. Before you know it, you’ll be on to the next sale!

Stage 2: Anger

Signs to look for…

• Irritability
• Cynicism and pessimism
• Starting arguments or being contrarian
• Placing blame on others

The scenario

There wasn’t one thing wrong with how you presented yourself and your product. You did everything right. They are obviously wrong. You can’t help but wonder…

How dare they not want my product?!”

In this stage, many people find themselves treating the whole thing as a textbook case of sour grapes. In anger, they point out flaws in the client’s company to coworkers or family members as they recount the events. They make sure to note that they didn’t want that client’s business anyway. They make excuses about why this loss didn’t bother them, and they feel that this loss was outside of their control. Lastly, they also try to ignore their involvement in whichever part was unsuccessful.

You might spend a lot of time blaming whoever denied your pitch. You’ll think about how they’re wrong, and you may even have a long list of expletives you’d just looooove to say to them. You want more than anything to give them a piece of your mind. It's their fault: They didn't understand how great your product is and what they’re missing out on.

This is a completely normal response. Anger can often help you connect with people! You may begin to take the time to reach out to others who were also affected so you can express your anger together.

The solution

Have compassion for yourself at this stage. Did you know that anger is actually a secondary emotion? Animals like dogs or cats do not have the capacity to feel anger. A snarl or a hiss is a fear-based reaction, not an angry one. Similarly, humans get angry when they're trying to cover up an initial emotion. Sometimes fear, but more often than not: Guilt.

Guilt and fear are not easy admissions. They're also not something that you can be forced to confront. But this is the time to begin to dig into your feelings as a whole. Explore everything you’re feeling. Sadness, disappointment, and whatever else might come up for you. Take the time to explore that pain a little further to understand why you feel the way you do.

Watch out

When you are seething, it can be easy to point that anger outward. Be careful not to burn any bridges for yourself or for your company. If you need, apps like BetterHelp can offer you resources to help you move through anger with grace.

On the professional side, booking a 1:1 session with a career coach can be very helpful. They understand your frustration and can help you work through anger toward acceptance. A professional coach who doesn’t work within your org, can give you space to vent, and resources to get better.

Stage 3: Bargaining

Signs to look for…

• Judging yourself
• Asking a bunch of what if” questions
• Thinking about the past and future
• Comparing yourself to others

The scenario

You may still feel a little bitterness when thinking about the person who denied your pitch. But, you start to look at your pitch deck and think over your speech. At this point, all the errors seem to scream out at you. If you had only explained your output a little more. And if only you mentioned helping one of their competitors increase revenue by 30%. If you’d only included a different graphic or changed the colors of your slides or, or, or...

If I tweak my pitch a little bit, they’ll change their mind.”

Bargaining, at its core, is a false-hope stage. It is your brain’s way of convincing yourself that if you make a few changes and go back, the outcome will be different. You might look at your pitch and want to overhaul the entire thing.

The solution

Remember, bargaining relies on a mountain of "what-ifs." You can go around and around wondering. But as a strong sales rep, you will have already put your all into your pitch. We can wonder all day long, but the truth is: you'll never FULLY understand why they said no, even if you go back to them and ask.

And you CAN go back and ask. If you're in a place to return to the client without pushing a sale all over again, then you should get in contact. If they're open to it, choose specific questions and ask for clean and honest feedback. This can help ease your spiral, and bring constructive answers to those what-ifs.

It's not a make-or-break answer though. Even if they do provide feedback, it can still feel like there's more to do. Those in the bargaining stage should avoid overthinking. Get some emotional distance from the project and focus on something new. Taking a day off work or focusing on other priorities for the day to clear your head can help.

Stage 4: Depression

Signs to look for…

• Insomnia
• Reduced energy and motivation
• Lack of interest in social activities
• Apathy towards work
• Crying and/or numbness

First things first: you will evolve out of this stage. Don't confuse a bought of depression with major depressive disorder. There is a distinct difference between feeling depressed and having depression.

If you do struggle with a depressive disorder, this is the time to reach out to your support system. This part of the grieving process can be particularly tricky to navigate for you. It can feel like an episode. But it is healthy to experience depression as a stage of grief... albeit exhausting.

You might still think about what you could’ve done differently. But at the end of the day, you might think it was doomed to fail from day 1. That guilt that you may have been covering up in the anger stage will now come to the forefront. Any self-reflection starts to feel like self-loathing. In short, you feel some variation of…

What’s the point in trying anymore?”

People most often associate depression with grief because it usually lasts the longest — though even that isn't set in stone. You may go back and forth between bargaining and depression. Or even between anger and depression. The important thing to note is that blaming yourself isn't productive for your growth.

The solution

Remember your strengths, and find the motivation to persevere. You're almost done with the grief cycle — though it may be hard to see that right now. Take this time to think about how you’re going to get back in the saddle. Go out with your friends, try to get some sleep, and remember what pushes you to get to work in the morning. What fulfilled you before this loss? What will continue to motivate you after you fall?

Take a workshop or listen to a podcast to motivate you. Everyone has pitfalls. Reaching out to friends and family can help put this hurdle into perspective. Even your peers or mentors can help.

Watch out

In this stage, you can feel the urge to quit altogether. That is VERY common. This feeling doesn’t last forever and you may feel regret if you do. Find your support system and don’t do anything rash. Once time passes, and you’ve overcome this specific loss, you will have time to reevaluate this urge.

Even if this loss did fall on your shoulders, mistakes happen. One mistake doesn't negate a lifetime of success. You will have more success, even at your current job. Believe.

Stage 5: Acceptance

And there you have it. You've cycled through 4 stages and have reached the 5th. You may never think your pitch was rightfully denied. That's okay. But you are now "over it" so to speak, and can accept that the whole thing wasn't meant to be.

The main goal isn't to go back to feeling how you did before! Move forward through your career holding onto the lessons that loss taught you. Let go of the negative emotions associated with the loss. This includes self-directed and outward frustrations.

Those feelings might come up again — especially when you are faced with a similar loss. But your experience of rejection will get easier every time. We promise.

Going through all the stages of grief after a sales pitch rejection is a common scenario. It doesn’t need to define where you go in the future. Uvaro offers courses and workshops to push your career to the next level.

Learn more about how we can help you improve by giving you the skills you need. Download our Career Success Catalog to learn more about how Uvaro can help you change careers and you turn a 'no' into a 'yes'!